Day 7....A turning point?

I really wasn’t sure what my act of kindness was going to be today, as I’m struggling with the concept of what I am trying to do.  I know my intention is absolutely right, but as I sobbed in bed last night I couldn’t help feel that this good intention of mine could slowly turn into something quite contrived, fake or just down right cheesy.  I think the problem is; that I have been now doing this a week and I have no idea where I’m going with it. 

Perhaps if I take my own advice from a few days earlier, then I should just go with the flow and be in the moment with it, but its difficult as I feel perhaps I’m not doing enough? 

For years I’ve searched for the right job, always on the look out for how I can be part of something big, something great, something that would give me that sense of fulfilment and connectedness, in a way that ultimately makes a difference to others. 

As a child I believed there was something out there waiting for me, something bigger and better than the norm, something that required me to live and work to my life’s purpose.  But I couldn’t seem to find it.

I didn’t get the grades I wanted at school and therefore couldn’t do what I wanted to do. I also had a passion for the arts and for drama but I never pursued that either.  I’ve always wondered why, but upon years of reflection I would say it could be down to fear of the unknown and not really having the guts to pursue what I believed, at the time, was my purpose.

I think I know this now, but years ago I didn’t have a clue.  I wish I would have had insight rather than hindsight, but that’s not the life is it?  We have to learn and we have to put those learning’s into practice.  Yet, at times, we sometimes have to repeat the lesson in order for it to be truly learned.

So after multiple jobs, in multiple cities and with feelings of being let down multiple times, I decided that the only way I could make a difference was to work for myself and do it my way.  But doing it on your own is hard, as I found out today. 

I’ve had a rotten day; my car, which was fixed yesterday, died again this morning, and is now in the garage waiting to be fixed again. This will no doubt cost me an arm and a leg. 

Then, whilst dashing to pick up Dylan from school, I drove head-on into a guy on his bike and knocked him over, thankfully I didn’t really hurt him, but I could have.

To top the lot I’ve been doing bloody business development calls all day and, apart from speaking to rude and very uninterested people, it’s been to no avail.

So I question what is all this for?  Why am I trying to do this and why do I believe that acts of kindness will make any difference to anybody?

Like most, I feel there is more to life. I don’t want to be on the hamster wheel, yet because of previous choices and decisions I’ve made, I am. I’m harder on myself than I am on anyone else and, if I’m being honest, I’m still searching for what I believe is my purpose in life.

When I reflect back on my day and I think about my job as a life coach – ‘helper of others’ I recognise that sometimes you just have to be kind to yourself, because if you don’t self-care when you need to, then how can you be any good at caring for others?

So today this is my act of kindness; a moment to myself to read a book in bed with a cup of tea, allowing myself to recover from a very stressful and disturbing day. I hope that if I take a moment to re-charge, reflect and recover, then maybe tomorrow I can be better and things will be clearer.

My original aim with this challenge was to help others, but even just a week into it, I have a feeling it’s going to help me more than I expected.

Day 6... I don't like Monday's

My day didn’t start well. I woke up late, leaving me half an hour behind my normal morning schedule. I then realised that Dylan’s school uniform was still wet in the washing machine.  I threw the wet clothes into the tumble dryer but after five minutes of horrible noise I opted for the radiator. The tumble dryer is on its last legs. 

Finally ready to take Dylan to school and I find my car isn’t working; the battery was as flat as a flute, which was not that different to how I was feeling.

Thankfully Ross didn’t need his car this morning, so I borrowed it for the school run, hoping the AA would cover mine.  To my relief it did, so a quick call and an exchange of details and within 15 minutes they were there.

Woaf! Now that’s customer service.  So, my battery was flat and within 15 minutes of his arrival he’d fixed my car.  A weight had been lifted, and so had my mood.

I was working from home today and decided I was going to do some business development, something I’m not afraid of doing but it doesn’t always rock my world, if you know what I mean? I got on with the job in hand but as mid morning approached, I found that I was still thrilled about my car and the service the AA man had provided.

So after a well-deserved cuppa, I decided to write a note of thanks to said AA man, which I did and sent off via email. 

This little act of kindness made me think of all the other people I could thank for things they have done.  Yesterday afternoon, before my visit to Ernestina, I took Dylan to an end of term party, which had been organised by one of the mums.  The party had a DJ, food, drinks and a paying bar for adults.  I wasn’t drinking, due to my dull head, so decided to take photos of the kids and try and catch up with a few of the other mums who I don’t see often. I tend to be the mum who’s usually dashing in and out of the school gates, stressed and highly strung with ‘the usual’ time management challenges.

The party was a huge success. The boys looked cool in their urban street-wear and the girls were as pretty as a picture in their party dresses.  It was very well organised, so in between sifting through stacks of work emails, I took time out to write an email to the organiser and fellow hard working mum, Lindsay. I knew that yesterday would have taken a lot of effort and had been a challenge for her to organise the event itself, as well as all the other parents.

Gratitude is something we don’t always do, or in fact get a lot of, and in my research on Acts of Kindness, it seems a simple acknowledgement of gratitude can mean a lot to the recipient. 

Other people’s efforts shouldn’t be taken for granted.  I know myself that delivering excellent customer service requires a commitment and a deeper set of inner ethics towards work and the whole customer experience.

I also believe that going out of your way to organise something for 28 kids and their parents, when you already have a lot on your plate to begin with, is worth a thank you.

So for me today a simple display of gratitude is all I wanted to do, because, for me, both these people deserved recognition for their efforts; the AA man confirmed and renewed my belief in great customer service and Lindsay made 28 little people very happy yesterday.

I’d bet that it’s the only gratitude either of them is likely to encounter today. It’s the way it seems to be these days.

With that in mind, I hope you can find some time to show some gratitude to others, no matter how trivial.  Its amazing how powerful 2 words can be…

Thank you!

Day 5....I wish I had a cure.

With a bit of a dull head from the wine drinking and gala day celebrations I decided to pop in to see my neighbour.  She is dying of cancer and there is nothing anyone can do.  It’s now a matter of time.

Her daughter shows me in and there she is lay down on the sofa.  We wake her softly and I help her as she sits up and tries to get comfortable.  Her daughter leaves us whilst we chat about the weather, making small talk while she fully comes to.

It’s here in this room, where we sat on Christmas Day, my turkey on a low heat in the oven, champagne in hand, and spoke about the history of the house and its occupants past and present.  Today I sit on the same sofa, this time no champagne in hand for obvious reasons; realising champagne will most probably never be consumed in this room again.

Ernestina is the name of my neighbour, my landlady and my friend.  A woman in her mid 70’s, of traditional Italian stock and a woman that is well known and well respected in the area.  I feel privileged to be here, to sit by her side while we talk about my weekend, cooking, Dylan and, of course, her illness.  She is sad; telling me that all she ever wanted to do was watch her daughter get married.   Knowing that will never happen now, tears prick my eyes. I look up and see tears are in her eyes too.

She is slow and finding it hard to breath, so I puff up the spare cushions and place them behind her back so she can breathe more easily.  She takes off her slippers and shows me her feet; they are bloated and look sore.  I bend down and start to rub her foot, hoping that my efforts may start to release the pressure.  It doesn’t work.  So I slip her feet back into her slippers and we talk for another 20 minutes.  We laugh as she points and talks about her boobs shrinking and everything else growing.

Her daughter re-appears and I realise it’s time for me to go.  I kiss her on both cheeks, the Italian way, and agree to see her again tomorrow to break up her day.

This, we all agree, will work.

I walk slowly back up the stairs and hover outside my front door.  Making the visit wasn’t done to accomplish any act of kindness, it was done purely to be there for someone who would be there for me.

If I had a choice there would be nothing to write about today.

Day 4....Family Gatherings

Sorry for not writing yesterday, but I was away overnight and couldn’t get access to my PC.  So I’m turning back time and today is Saturday the 4^th of June…

After the scorching weather on Friday, today was different. Cold and windswept, we head off to the train station; we’re going to Bathgate gala day! This was my first time at such an event, and both Dylan and I were looking forward to watching the procession and the shows.

So as we stand on a street corner, lined with the young and old of Bathgate, the Baltic weather forces us to huddle together and watch as the procession makes its way up the hill.

Every year, since god knows when, the gala day has been a way for the town and its people to march and clap in time to pipe and brass bands.  Children line the streets with their parents and wave as the flower girls go by on trucks, decorated and converted into ‘floats’. 

Today we watch as the local schools, nurseries and businesses alike walk behind the bands in celebration, clapping and cheering.  All waving and throwing sweets to the children who sit on the street kerb, all eager to recognise someone they know. 

As the floats go by carrying all the flower girls and Princess Marjory, we wave and cheer. The miniature princess’s wave back through gritted teeth, some of them look like they may cry due to the howling, bitter wind.

Ross had planned the day, so after the procession, we were to spend time with his family and then head over to a friend’s house for a BBQ.  But as we settled into the afternoon the plan, which had been so meticulously planned, started to unravel.  Firstly; his family didn’t want us to leave and go to another BBQ, they wanted us to spend the day with them.  Alongside that, Dylan had been introduced to three kids of about the same age and had started to get to know them. I was enjoying being with the company that surrounded me, they made me feel welcome and I was well looked after.

As the afternoon got into full swing, so did we, the wine was flowing, and everybody congregated in the kitchen as the BBQ got underway.  It was way too cold to stand outside and, like most good party’s, the kitchen became the hub and the heart of the home.  It felt good to be there.

It was nearly time for us to move on to the other party, but as I watched Dylan enjoying his time with his new three friends who will, I hope, become good long-term friends, I realised that to tear him away from his fun, just so we could meet up with our friends, would be a real shame.

The kids laughed and played with each other brilliantly, no falling out, no bickering, they just had fun.  Playing on the green in front of the house, safe in each other’s company. Ross and I settled and went with the flow.

So as the gala day was coming to a close, we choose to sit on the hill overlooking Bathgate at 11.15pm, Ross, Dylan and I waited for the gala day fireworks to end the yearly celebration. I couldn’t have been happier.  Sat on the grass with Dylan on one side and Ross on the other, all waiting in anticipation to see the sky in lights.

As we watch the fireworks, one after the other, light up the night sky, I’m happy in knowing that the day had changed its own course and had taken on a momentum and energy of its own.  The day that was supposed be structured and planned, ended being flexible and fun. 

So as I climbed into bed I reflected on the day.  Despite the fun and the new friendships where was my act of kindness?...

Then it hit me. My act of kindness was a subtle one; the whole day had been planned around Ross and I, and our desire to spend the day doing our thing.

Watching Dylan in his element, making new friends and building new family connections became the most important part of the day. 

Why?...because it was something far bigger than just some kids playing together. Significant foundations were being laid for future family gatherings and as I switch of the bedside lamp and snuggle in I smile to myself.

I didn’t stick to the plan but I accomplished my act of kindness, and I hope it’s one that will resonate for a long time.

Day 3...Right in front of my nose

  

I woke up feeling energised and already had a plan in my mind about what I wanted to do today for my Act of Kindness, but as I went about my day I realised that if it was too planned then the act of kindness would be too contrived.  The whole idea of doing this was; that Acts of Kindness would be done in real time, they would be true and authentic and they would have integrity. 

So, I scraped my original plan, which I felt was a great idea, and went back to waiting for an opportunity to present itself.

I waited and waited and waited……….

I looked out for the opportunity.  It should have been easy right?  That’s what I thought, but the opportunity never did present itself.

Today of all days it should have been easy.  I was busy, I was in town, meeting clients, having a coffee with a friend and dealing with multiple work related phone calls.

So at half past three this afternoon, sat on a wall eating an ice cream with Dylan, I started to panic.  Time was running out.  I only had a couple of hours to deliver on my act of kindness.

And as I sit here I think back about my day and I realise that perhaps I’ve delivered multiple Acts of Kindness without recognising it at the time.

Today has been all about conversations.  It has been about being there for people when they needed me. 

Missing a call on my mobile and phoning back. Listening to the person on the other end of the line when I was dashing to another meeting.  I stopped walking and stood and listened and made time for that person because I knew it was important to be present in every way.

Then when I met one of my closest friends, who was really quite sad, and the lowest I’d ever seen her, I was there, fully present. I listened to what was happening in her world and provided the right words and the right level of support I felt she needed in that moment.

And finally I sat eating ice cream with my son.   Sat on a wall in the glorious sunshine.  We chatted, we laughed and I listened again about what was important to him.

I was totally in the moment.

And so on day three, my Act of Kindness has been purely about being in the moment.  Not thinking about anything else apart from what is being shared, what needs to be heard and then what needs to be said. Those who I shared these moments with all went away feeling better about their situations and themselves. I hope so anyway?

Today has been a good day for conversations and once again I’m reminded that Acts of Kindness are all around us, we just need to recognize them!

Day 2…it's somehow harder today

I have no ideas at all about what my Act of Kindness could be today, but the sun is shining and as I go off and do my daily commitments, school run, meet a friend for coffee, return back to the office to work and do some business development.  I feel stuck and its only day two.  I crack on with emails and phone calls and I brief a designer on my new website requirements.  I sit back, my brain is aching, maybe I’m trying too hard?

Maybe this is to do with the fact that at 12.30am this morning I woke up, head buzzing about what I’d set myself to do. I lay there pondering, searching and questioning.  I glanced over at the clock in the distance and realised it was 3am and I was still wide awake.  Perhaps I should have got up and put my time to good use, got started on the next chapter of my book, figure out how I am going to market myself and promote my Autumn coach training courses.  But instead I lay there persistent and adamant that even if I wasn’t sleeping my body should be getting some rest.

The postman arrives at 12.30pm and there it is, a letter that does not belong in this house or to any of its inhabitants.  A letter that looks of importance, with no relevance to me or any people who reside in the two flats below.

So I pull on my trainers and go out into the warm air to realise that the house number that this letter belongs too is not to be found.  So up and down, I walk the streets that surround my flat.

Looking in every driveway and for house numbers, I firstly walk up the right hand side of the street and return back on the left hand side.  Although a little frustrating I keep going but to no avail.

I do this 3 times to make sure that I have not missed anything and to check that my eyes or common sense are not deceiving me – Yep there is no 22.

I weigh up my options

1) I could leave it downstairs, in view, for the postman tomorrow in hope that he would pick it up and deliver it to its rightful owner?

2) I could play ignorant and bring it back with me to gather dust with all the junk mail waiting to be thrown out?
 


3) Or I could ask someone for help?

I was outside, the weather warm, the first day in weeks, and as it caressed my skin gently, my enthusiasm was quickly dissolving and soon began to drift like the flowing cherry blossoms high up into the sky.

Decision time Gillian, make a choice.  So I decided to ask.  Across the road was a lady that I have seen from time to time walking her very old and slow Jack Russell.  She always passes the time of day but today she seemed focused on getting on with the task in hand.

“Excuse me” running across the road to her  “I am looking for number 22, the postman delivered this to me and its for number 22, you don’t happen to know where I can post this do you?”

A smile broke out across her face, “well that is interesting dear, this letter is addressed to me, how bizarre?” she said chuckling

“How bizarre indeed” I said once again surprised about how the universe can draw people together.

“I’ve been up and down here 3 times, and I couldn’t find your house,” I admitted

“Ahhhh, you’re not the first to say that dear, thank you so much, I’ve been waiting for this letter, its come from London you know?”

“Well I’m glad I found you, have a lovely day” I say and walk off with the same vigor and confidence as the lady joggers had yesterday.

“You too” she shouts as I head home

“Well, well, well” I say out loud and look up to the sky and smile and say “thank you” and at that very moment the sun beams wide and the warmth wraps its arms around me and carries me home.

As I walk up the 50 stairs that lead to my flat I realise that faith in the universe and trust in yourself is essential.   

If you don’t believe in what you are doing who else will?

Day 1... the beginning

After the excitement of yesterday and the launch of my very first blog I woke up feeling slightly anxious about my day ahead.  I wasn’t sure what really to expect and how would I be able to fulfill my own challenge.  I do have a tendency to sometimes bite off far more than I can chew, however the one thing that always helps me out in the end is my determination to achieve what I have set out to do.

I wouldn’t describe myself, as being overly competitive, yet others I'm sure will argue that point. 

So as I brushed my teeth this morning I was resolved in my mind that what ever happens today I was not going to worry because an opportunity would present itself as long as I was open for seeing that opportunity. 

I dropped Dylan off at school and headed for the gym. I didn’t really want to go as I was still aching from running like a banshee on the treadmill yesterday.  However I couldn't t back out now, I was there.  I parked up and skimmed my emails as I walked down towards the gym.  As usual with the Edinburgh weather it was blowing a gale, my legs covered in goose bumps, enough to want me to go running back to the warmth of my bed.

This is the first day of summer apparently and that maybe the case but there was no warmth in the air, just a cold bitter wind. 

Out of the blue I hear

”Excuse me, Excuse me” I look up from my phone and the emails I need to deal with and there in front of me are 2 women, dressed in matching tracksuits, looking frozen to the bone.

“You look really nice and we need your help”

“Sorry, how can I help?”

“We’re terribly lost, in fact we’ve been walking round for quite a long time and all we want to do is go to Arthurs seat, and we saw you in your running gear so we thought you maybe going that way and you looked friendly, can you help us?”

The two ladies in front of me, shivered.  Dressed in Nike sportswear although one in blue the other in pink, their trainers matched their track-suits; they hovered shifting from foot to foot, they looked exhausted in their search for Arthurs seat.  It was only 8.45am.

I explained where they were and what they needed to do to get there.  Telling them to look out for Dynamic Earth and the Scotsman newspaper building as key landmarks for their arrival at their destination.  We swapped pleasantries about running and we bid farewell. 

I watched them as they bounded down the pleasance.  “Good Luck” I shouted into the wind, not knowing if they’d heard me. 

Both women had a spring in their step, a new vigor and appreciation for where they were, when all of a sudden they turned round exactly at the same time and in unison shouted.

“Thank you so much, you’ve really been kind to us”

“No problem” I said waving them off, hand in the air as they turned the corner onto Holyrood road.

That got me thinking about what an Act of Kindness actually is?

What I did this morning at 8.45am – would that really be classed as an Act of Kindness?

This question has burned all day long begging to be answered and I am still not sure if I believe this example is worthy enough?

So what is an Act of Kindness?  My initial take on it, would be quite simple and if I was looking at it objectively I would say it is a simple act that shows kindness, generosity and appreciation.  Deep down I don’t believe it has to be all bells and whistles.  Is it not sometimes the simplest of acts that can demonstrate true kindness?

So I Googled it and this is what came up

“An act of kindness is a spontaneous gesture of goodwill towards

someone or something.”

With that in mind, and of course having it confirmed by Google then I believe an Act of Kindness can be shown by what I did this morning, dealing with a simple request for directions and helping another on their way more confidently and with ease.  This could be considered as a gesture of goodwill.  Therefore if that is the case then as simple as it is I believe that I demonstrated this morning an act of kindness.

I was once told that one good turn deserves another and last night as I watched my lovely landlady and dear neighbour struggle up the stairs with the help of her daughter I knew something was wrong. 

When I walked in the flat that I rent now for the very first time, I knew it was home.  I’m not sure if you have ever felt that before?  But when you step foot in a place and you immediately feel you belong then there is no time to dilly dally you just have to make that commitment right there and then and that’s what happened with this flat. 

At the time Ross was living elsewhere and so this was going to be a new start for Dylan and I.  I wanted it to be cozy, homely and a place that felt safe.  It certainly had all of that after I lugged up 47 bags of belongings up 50 stairs and closed the front door to my new home.

When I shut the door on the first night, within minutes the doorbell rang and there she was, the extra safety net that I needed.  My landlady and my neighbour, she lived in the flat below.  She brought a bottle of wine, red, Italian, a bowl of popcorn for Dylan (still warm) and a full chicken with vegetables and potatoes wrapped in tin foil and a tea towel to keep the heat in.

“My dear Gillian, welcome” transferring the food and wine from her hands to mine. “You stay here as long as you like, I will look after you” smiling, she kissed me on both cheeks and gave me the most amazing hug.

I knew that the food was only a factor in what she was offering.  She was offering far more than just food.  She was offering me a gift, the gift of kindness, warmth and a gesture of goodwill from her to me.

And so as we stood together last night in a similar amazing hug, we cried for very different reasons.

In all of her sadness, she said “ you don’t need to worry, you, Ross or Dylan, I am putting my affairs in order and you are looked after my beautiful Gillian.  I am looking after those who are close to me and you are close to me.  You kind girl”

What amazes me most is that in all of her sadness, in knowing that there is no cure for her illness and her death is pending, she still showed me the gift of kindness and the same warmth and gesture of goodwill from her to me.

So yes I believe an act of kindness can be a simple gesture but it also can be so much more. 

Therefore for me An Act of Kindness requires spontaneity and is given as a gift with no expectations of receiving anything back.

So as I sign off at the end of day one, I wonder what tomorrow will bring, any ideas?